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By: Lusanda Mjekula
Relationships are defined in different ways by different people, but it needs a few key ingredients to be healthy. It is easy to be in a relationship, but it is difficult to sustain a stable relationship. Often, love is not enough to sustain a stable relationship.
Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder of the Loving Roots Projects, a relationship coaching site said that “most couples fall into a comfort zone and typical routines with their partner. While this provides us feelings of safety and security in our relationship, it can reduce feelings of excitement, spontaneity and overall newness that brings a spark”
Not only can you maintain a successful relationship with your partner by doing the 7 things that were recommended by Dr. Shelley who is an expert to strengthen your partnership, but you will also prove that you are willing to work for one.
- Talk to one another
When you begin to develop feelings for someone, you want to know more about them so you make a concerted attempt to engage in conversations. Naturally, the commitment decreases the longer you are in a relationship. Sommerfeldt said that “we may not be as attentive at times, later in relationships and this can come off to our partners as dismissive and uncaring. Be sure to make time to talk to your partner to improve that love in the relationship”. Sommerfeldt further stated that “being present and aware will give a message of care and devotion to your partner”.
2. Do something new with your partner
Relationships continue to grow, particularly when the involvement is still fun and exciting. For a healthy relationship, one of the most important aspects is to have fun together. Doing something new and exciting with your partner in your relationship can spice things up. Sommerfeldt said that “while routines are helpful and make the relationship comfortable and certain, having new and exciting experiences can encourage enthusiasm and much-needed change”.
3. Show affection
Sometimes it is not enough just being loved, it needs to be proved. Physical intimacy such as holding hands, hugging or kissing helps alleviate tension, improves mood and is related to higher satisfaction with the relationship. Feelings like love have to be expressed regularly. If you take it for granted and don’t take time to express it on a regular basis, it will be lost forever. So be a better partner and show your partner love as much as you can. Start with something that feels natural, whether it is holding hands while watching television or even giving each other kisses here and there.
4. Show appreciation
One of the important keys to a good relationship is appreciation. There can be a lot of things that your partner does in your relationship, it can be anything from fixing you a plate when you come home hungry or even repair things around the house. There is no reason you wouldn’t be thankful for things like this, the key point to improve your relationship is by saying you are clearly grateful. Continue to enjoy a genuinely rewarding relationship with your partner. If you are not sure where to start, just praise your partner by saying “you look amazing today” or “thank you for your presence in my life”
5. Forgive one another
“Arguments and differences of opinion in a relationship are common. They also do not show themselves during the honeymoon period because we do not usually have critiques or negative opinions towards our partners at that stage”, said Sommerfeldt. But once the fighting begins, anger and bitterness towards your partner can be easy to build on. It is important to organize your thoughts, sit down your partner and tell them how you are feeling, be honest about your feelings. If you have difficulty in expressing how you feel or your partner does not seem to be able to come with solutions to your problems, it might be time to consider talking to a professional.
6. Apologize when you are wrong
No one likes being wrongly accused and most people don’t want to apologize for something they haven’t done. The thought of apologizing when we have done something wrong, or worse when we are in the right place, causes our blood to boil. We become angry, aggressive, or otherwise lash out, none of which is doing anything to improve the situation. Even though you are not guilty, there is a time and place to apologize. Recall that apologizing is not an expression of guilt, it is an expression of taking responsibility. You are taking responsibility to change and step beyond the current situation. If you value the relationship more than just being right, then it is okay to apologize.
7. Shake up the sex routine
You’re most likely to get to know your partner sexually at the beginning of your relationship, so it will seem like a book, and you are going to be more open to switching things up between the sheets as you get more acquainted with each other. But when you are in a relationship for some time you can get so relaxed with the way you usually do it, to a point where you will stop looking for ways to spice things up. Sommerfeldt clarified that “it can be useful to shake up your sexual routine by trying new positions, changing places you normally have sex or try something else like candles, romantic music, sex toys or massage oil”. Changing your usual pattern will bring some of the honeymoon fun back while giving you a boost to your intense relationship.
One of the greatest gifts the world can ever offer is meeting someone amazing and getting the chance to be with them. A great partnership does not just happen, it requires two people who are willing to work for it.
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